Monday mornings

January 25, 2010

I part my sleep-greased cheeks and unload a lost weekend’s weight of shit on them.


Sir Arthur Conan Doyle?

January 3, 2010

I shit all over him. I shit on each page of his stories. I shit in the teeth of his characters. I take a big dysenteric liquid crap over Victorian detective fiction, because my name is Guy Ritchie.


Fat pigeons using my bbq as a birdbath.

January 2, 2010

I shit all over them. See how they like it.


Never having enough time for a bit of quiet shitting daydreaming.

January 1, 2010

I’d shit on it if I had a moment.


Work.

January 1, 2010

I shit on it from great height.


Umbrellas

December 7, 2009

They won’t protect you. Evil things. I shit on them.


The smug middle classes on a Saturday night out at the National Theatre

December 7, 2009

I shit all over them


People who don’t know their envelopes

July 15, 2009

I throw a gravelly turd at them.


Remembering to make regular posts to keep your blog fresh and readable?

July 15, 2009

I shit on that.

With a side order of fried shit.


Pollen

June 24, 2009

I shit on it. And the bees that carry it. I shit on them too.